Jake and Fez Go
Snorkeling
by Michael A.
Skrien
Fez adjusted
his mask and snorkel as he stood in the shallows.
The Instructor had made it clear that once they
were out in the midst of the Great Reef, there
would be little time for assistance to
individuals, so there was a special and urgent
need to understand how the equipment worked.
Jake had already caught a small octopus with his
bare hands and let it go, showing he was already
mastering the process. He would not be the one to
need assistance. He and his extra large fins
stomped/walked/splashed loudly over to one of the
better looking women in the group and introduced
himself.
“Hello. I’m Jacob. Jacob Italy. Perhaps
you’ve heard of me?”
“No, I don’t think I have. Why would I?”
“Well, I’ve quite the laundry list of
headline accomplishments. Perhaps you don’t
pay attention to national media. I like that
about you. I came in fourth in Le Pomme de Terre
Juggling contest three years ago in Lyon. Of
course, I was in first until Frankie Carbattel
cheated using Wyoming potatoes. Everyone knew but
I was out of challenges and Bryan Collier was too
scared of Frankie.
“How surprising I haven’t heard.”
“Yes, well, after the dive, perhaps we can
get together for drinks?”
“Perhaps.”
The dive went smoothly but for the inadvertent
impaling of Jake’s foot by Fez who, even
under water, was still adjusting his mask and
holding his speargun in his good hand. He let it
slip. The blood caused a minor accumulation of
Bull Sharks who wrangled with Jake’s foot a
bit, but most of it looked fine later with
Neosporin and Play Dough. Healing coral was also
administered and it worked wonders for shark
mangles.
Jake hobbled round his hotel room, primping and
spraying himself, dabbing his jet black hair
perfectly as he was to meet the previously
mentioned picture of beauty for drinks at the
hotel bar. This was his big chance to score a
trophy date!
He hobbled down the elegant velvet staircase,
pausing every few steps to look across the giant
lobby lounge in an attempt to snag “the
ultimate glance” up from her position to see
the stunning Jake coming down to talk to her. How
lucky she was to be the object of his desires,
even if for but one night. He mimicked her sigh.
Then he saw her. Sure enough. She was sitting
alone on one of the couches sipping a frozen
martini with a pineapple wedge and umbrella. The
light slanted in from the stained glass windows
in the front of the lobby and cast down upon her
soft, golden hair just right. She looked up at
him and gave a look as though she had just
swallowed a goldfish and it wouldn’t go down
her gullet.
Jake swept across the carpet and sidled up to her
all in one swift movement. He offered her a
flower from the vase on the table by putting it
between his teeth. She took it and put it back in
the vase. Then she stood up. Jake was confused.
He beckoned her to stay and have a drink and a
laugh.
“Sorry, I’ve got to go. My dinner date
is here.” Donning his green tuxedo and
fedora, it was Fez.
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