The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

Jake and Fez Go Bowling
by Michael A. Skrien

Jake ducked as the #13 bowling ball Fez threw at him sailed down the aisle, knocking down all the pins in his lane and several from the lane next to theirs.
"STEE-RIKE!" He howled.
Fez took off his prosthetic arm and waived it above his head, dancing around the alley. The patrons stared at him, unsure what to think. Jake decided it was time for the fifth frame break and promptly ordered a fifth of whiskey from the bar. The brand was precisely what one would expect from the liquor rail at a bowling alley in downtown Festus, Texas. On the open market, it would likely fetch somewhere in the range of a $5 off coupon for a haircut, or a prize pack from an old Happy Meal. He slaked half the bottle before offering it to Fez, who took and drank using his good arm. 
"This ought to change my luck!" Jake said, wiping the dribble with his sleeve. They returned to their lane and Jake lofted his ball over the shoulder, closing his eyes and standing on one leg. The two were ever competitive. Strike. The game was now tied and each was looking at a perfect score, 300, but needed the requisite 3 strikes in a row to finish out. 
Fez was up first. He knocked down the first two strikes without fanfare. For the third, he went for the fanfare. He lit a cigarette and with the cigarette butt, he lit a firework aimed carefully at the ball which sat on the lane, behind the throwing line. FSSSST!!! The bottle rocket flew at the ball, in turn propelling the ball down the lane. A strike. POW!
“That’s 300, Ace, if you missed count. You’re up. Good luck.” He smirked.

Jake knocked down his first two strikes as well; the first with a blind hook shot and the second starting in the farthest stall of the Men’s room, caroming off various furniture, eventually making its way down the alley for the second strike. Now for the third.

He grabbed a cat from the alley and carefully set it down in one of the chairs. He then asked a patron from the lane next to theirs to hold his bowling ball. He casually walked over to the bar, grabbing a shot of whiskey and downing it, and over to the emergency exit. He pulled the fire alarm.

People ran amuck. The fire department came and they ran in with the hose. The dalmatian dog on the truck ran in as well. Upon seeing the cat, the dog went crazy, chasing the cat around the alley. As fast as eight legs would travel, they ran. After several circles around the entire alley, the cat ran between the legs of the patron holding Jake’s ball. The dog ran between his legs and flipped him in the air. As he fell to the ground, he threw the ball, which travelled down the lane towards the pins. The entire crowd now watched the ball rolling. It hit the number one pin dead on, and the rest of the pins began to fall. And they did. All but one, which teetered but remained upright.

299-300. Fez won again.