The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

It Only Goes to Show
by Bill Tope

Lexie didn't know it then, but this would
be the last day of her life.  Had she only
suspected, she would doubtless have
done things differently; made preparations
to avoid the inevitable; or otherwise
attempted to forestall the Grim Reaper. 
But, she didn't know, and so blithely
followed the course of her everyday
existence as though nothing were
amiss.  Regrettably, no precautions
at all were taken.
First, as she did every morning, Lexie
stopped at a McDonald's and ordered a
Mango Jet Freeze. a sugary treat popular
with Young Upwardly Mobile
Professionals concerned with neither
calories nor nutrition.  Naturally, the Jet
Freeze melted onto her table. And, as
usual, Lexie dragged her sleeve through
the lurid concoction before leaving the
Next, as was routine, she caught a
streetcar, a kitschy and overpriced tourist
attraction, but convenient for her purposes.  
While Lexie was perfectly minding her
own business, her blouse, reeking with
the pungent odor of mango, attracted a
nearby yellowjacket.  The insect promptly
and for no reason whatever, stung Bonzo,
a Psychiatric Service Dog (PSD) who was
present in the streetcar at the same time.
Bonzo also happened to be a 175
pound Great Dane.  And the beast,
shocked and annoyed by the sting of
the loathsome insect, reacted
instinctively by biting the head off the
nearest human, which happened to be
Lexie. And Lexie, meanwhile, having no
head, proceeded to bleed out in the
streetcar that morning, which spelled
the end for her.
Had Lexie not had her regular Mango Jet
Freeze that morning; and had she taken
a taxi in place of the streetcar; and if the
PSD had been a tiny wiener dog rather
than a preposterously beefy Great Dane; 
and finally, had only a Board Certified
Neurosurgeon been present that day
with Lexie and Bonzo, the former might
not have bled out on a streetcar that
fine April day in San Francisco.  I guess
it only goes to show...