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by Albert Russo

The other evening, as we were having dinner at Delio’s - I just looove his turkey shawarma -, a ten-minute-walk from our airbag lodging, we met Haniya, a tall and sweet-looking girl of about 15. She and Delio seemed to be buddies, on account that they were joking like two college pals.

We immediately cottoned on - another Shake’m Pears British expreshun, meaning ‘to get on well’ … yeah, I sometimes like to use them hoity toity words. Who’s the writer here, may I jolly well ask? -, and she offered to be my elder sister.

When, after having licked our chops, down, under and sideways, and sipped a glass of fresh-made lemonade with mint leaves, ready to munch on our delicious cookies filled with ground dates, we learned the terrifying story behind Haniya’s pretty and sooo loving face. Well I nevvver!!! And, all of a sudden, I didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore, either as an elder sister or friend, jeezette, goddess almighty!

Listen to this, but you’d better not repeat what I’m going to tell you, if you don’t want me to send you an explosive gift by priority mail. Yeah you heard right, I’ve learned to make those thanks to Miss Google.

Haniya who was one time an illegal transgender immigrant from Jordan, lives in a youth shelter managed by an Ethiopian lady psychologist, not far from Delio’s.

No, I’m not a racist like you, any decent LGBTeeter or Tigress can be my friend, ok. So, stop pulling faces, or else I’ll freeze that grimace of yours and you’ll look like a toothless hyena for the rest of your life, coz I’ve also studied witchcraft, which I sometimes use when my uncle gets out of control. Of course, he has no idea that his sudden fits are caused by his dahling lil niece. And, believe you me, he soon becomes as tame as Mini the Mooh.

Haniya fell in love with an Israeli Arab hunk named Ahmad. He was so clean-shaven looking and so well behaved that she never expected what was going to follow. She could only swear by him like he was prophet Muhammad The First incarnated.

Before her brains registered what spot she was in, she found herself entangled in a murderous ploy, concocted by her dashing lovey dovey. So, one night, half stupefied - that’s when you get stupid, without wanting to - thanks to the white powder Ahmad had slipped into her glass of beer, she got caught near the Gaza strip - it is governed by the Hamas, a terrorist organization that promises to wipe out all the Jews of Israel and take over the country.

Ahmad stood twenty meters in front of her, wearing a checkered black and white keffieh, like the Palestinian protesters who throw stones at Israeli soldiers guarding the border. He was holding a hand grenade. Before he could throw it, two guards caught him.

Meanwhile, alerted by her colleagues, a female soldieress, ran toward Haniya.