Good To Be The
King
by Will Nuessle
Every parent
knows that the packaging can often provide more
fun for a small child than the actual toy. When
said packaging comes to America by way of Korea,
being translated at some point in the process by
someone unfamiliar with the native language of
either country—well, that’s just fun
for the whole family.
So it was with the King Jiale Baby Bath Cars.
Under the plastic-bubbled toys themselves one
finds the following legend which I swear I am not
exaggerating: “Four species, a variety of
color choices. Has been well received by the
children’s favorite.” …the
children’s favorite what? At least there’s
four species…
After just reading the front of the packaging, I
already knew I was in for a treat even before I
turned it over. So please, do as I did, call any
family members within earshot and read together
the Legend of King Jiale and the Four Species.
SMALL MESH SCOOP:
Unaccompanied children bathe good playmates.
After absorbing enough water, squeeze toys can be
fired from a toy mouth water column. When there
is no water in the body, squeeze toys can make
toys issued a “creak” sound. A very
interesting toy.
(Not
half as interesting as the packaging)
SMALL MESH SCOOP:
Provided to the child in the bathtub corrals
ducklings tool. Small networks can be freely
installed. Net to see who was more ducklings.
Take a moment to dry your eyes; wouldn’t
want you missing the Warnings on the package.
WARNING:
To prevent drowning keep children within. Arm’s
reach. Inspect before use.[1] Discard and
replace at the first sign of weakness or
damage.[2] Always check temperature of water
before placing child in bath. Do not leave child
unattended. Discard all packaging components
before use.[3]
One thing they got completely right, not once but
twice: “100% Environmentally Friendly
Materials.” Not even these Eastern
Hemispherish folks are going to mess with the E.P.A.
Anyway, that was just too good not to share with
you. But right now, my baby bath is playing with
my baby, and though unaccompanied children bathe
good playmates I still need to go keep children
within. Arm’s reach, and see who was more
ducklings.
May all
your bathtub corral ducklings tool.
[1] The
toys, or the children?
[2] The toys, or the children?
[3] Are you kidding? I’m going to have
this packaging framed
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