Doctor Grimm
by Albert Russo
Our former Trumpeteer-in-chief,
on the other hand, kept repeating that the Cowvid
was for the birds, until the Fat Dodo got it
himself; while Sleepy Biden, to frighten both
himself and the American people, announced that
there were already 220 million dead. Wa wee
wo wee, as Borat xclaims, the guy who came
to America quasark naked for make benefit
Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan by strutting around
in a G-string, all the while shaking his
whatchitmacallit, the shameless sexy hus ! -
that’s the masculine I invented for hussie,
coz there are many more husses than
hussies. I can vouch for that, after hearing all
the historical antidotes my uncle tells
me before we go to sleep - yeah they are my
bedtime stories, and the grimmer they are the
better - hey, does that word come from the Grimm
Brothers? Coz I’ve read some of their fairy
tales which scared the daylights out of me when I
was younger. And they had nothing to do with
homeysetchuals - coz before becoming gay, the
homos were called fairies.
My uncle loves to stay at home, specially after
the long hours he spends at the post-office,
where you can’t stand ten minutes without
customers complaining and barking at the same
time - yeah, in France, we often get angry when
things take too long or are not the way we expect
them to be. We have what’s known as grandes
gueules (big and loud mouths). Indoors,
where he feels he is the Queen of the house, he
struts around in a wide embroidered bouffant
kimono over silk jammies with mastroiannic designs,
and wears bright yellow babouches, all of which
he brought back from our trips.
As for our Eytalian Gnochi alla carbonara,
he started opening the main tourist attractions
for the visitors of the world, forgetting that
Italy was the most crowned of all Europe, with a
death rate I’m too ashamed to reveal here.
Now WHOOOOM should we listen to? The doctors who
are punching each other’s noses, calling
their apples and pears liars and fabulators,
or the crowds gathered at the Trocadero esplanade,
facing the Eiffel Tower, mooing like herds of
constipated bulls and exhausted cows.
“That pandemic is the fig of the
governments’ trashination. No mask,
no lockdown, go back to work, lazy bums, and you,
the pig wigs, we know you are having a
ball, dancing and celebrating behind the doors of
your palaces, all the while you pass speedy
gonzales laws that stop us from living normally.
We know your philosophy all too well: put the bejeezette
fear into the populace and they’ll do
whatever you order them.” Bunch of Mega
shlemiels!
Lookie here, guys, if you don’t want your
grandparents to conk out because of you, wear
your mask (including OVER your nose) and wash
your dirty hands at least 13 times every time you
come back home. Capish? You’d
better, orrr else, Goddess knows what will happen
to you!
Excerpt
3 from CORONA ZAPINETTE by Albert Russo
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