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Deborah The Prophetess
by Albert Russo

“Now, all of you schmucks,” said Barak, “kneel and praise Goddess, till your blood carpets the ground in a bright glowing red. And we’ll see if She pardons you, sons of bitches!” Hey, don’t look at me, Barak could be quite vulgar to make his point.

Deborah was well aware of her position as prophetess and commanded her folk to start behaving orrr else. Now that they remembered who Goddess was and stuck their fingers in their noses or their thumbs in their mouths, while peeing of shame, like scolded children, they sniffled, mumbling “Whatever you say, Deborah!”

“Follow me, y’all and don’t look backwards or you too will turn into statues of salt.” she said with a croaky voice that echoed from mountain to mountain, provoking avalanches of rocks that buried the first rows of Canaanite soldiers. But worse would follow. The enemy was fierce and much stronger than the Heebies, specially that they had a great number of horses and heavy chariots.

Suddenly a huge storm covered the whole area and the Canaanites soon began to wallow in the mud till they couldn’t advance. They were finally beaten by the Heebies who until then were just a bunch of idolatrous nerds, no better than bums drunk as skunks - hey, did you notice how I can make rhymes.

Another forty years of bounty awaited the Heebies, who tilled their fields, looked after their fat cows and their numerous goats, making delicious cheese.

Today’s Israelis have continued this custom. This is why you can have breakfast there with an unconscious number of cheeses, accompanied with eggs cooked in a dozen different ways, sausages, tuna, humus, bread, plain, rye or toasted, falafel, pretzels, croissants, short cakes, yoghurt, vegetables of all kinds, orange juice, tea or coffee. Breakfast in the Holy Land may be the holiest of meals, on account that it is so abundant that you can get along the whole day without any other food. So much so that in many restaurants they serve it all day long. Can you imagine having breakfast at midnight? If I didn’t mention it before, I will now.

Israel is NOT a normal country. It’s the Start-up nation and they invent so many things all the time that you can’t keep up with them, and then too, the young people there are so mixed in color and diverse in culture that you can’t say that they are a race. So, it’s impossible to be a racist there, like the goons who hate black people or the Islamists who want to kill the Africans or the Whites.

Those who hate the Jews and Israel are antisemites, which is a very different kind of discrimination, so my uncle taught me. If you didn’t know, we were born Catholic, even though I almost never go into a church, except when it’s boiling hot outside, on account that churches are often cool.