Cousin Tuk in
Durban 2
by Albert Russo
I must admit, Tuk is a
sight. His hair is dyed a straw yellow, with
ginger locks, and here and there, vivid red
spikes, that give out a dayglo sheen. He dresses
John Galiano style and wears perfume by Jean-Paul
Gaultier. He would make an excellent fashion
model on a Paris catwalk. He’s also
beautifully manicured. His nails shine so
brightly that when you stare at them you begin to
see stars. His lover, Panty Patel, is much more
subdued, but also very cute. He has a magnificent
shock of jay blue hair which he wears slightly
gelled. You’d think you were in the midst of
Van Gogh’s starry night. He smells of
patchouli and has incredibly long eyelashes which
would make any woman dead jealous. You can hardly
hear his voice he speaks so softly. Contrary to
Tuk who almost looks like a Christmas tree - oh a
very fashionable one, I must say -, Panty wears a
dark grey suit, with a pale blue shirt and a
silver-colored tie. You could mistaken him for a
young businessman of the City (of London, you
nerd). But where did he get that stupid name from,
Pant? Why not Pantyhose then! If he wasn’t
already engaged to Tuk, I wouldn’t have
minded being his girlfriend, coz he’s my
type all right. As a felinist I believe girls
should also have the right to make advances, that
privilege is no longer reserved to machos! Maybe
I will after all try to lure that sweet little
Patel behind Tuk’s back. In any case, he’s
so full of himself that new cousin of ours, that
he wouldn’t see it coming. So why not try,
right? Panty looks like one of those handsome
actors of a Bollywood movie. I should ask him to
teach me to dance Indian style and to move my
fingertips like I was going to stick them into an
electric outlet. Goddess is love complicated? Ok,
enough fantasizing
As if on cue, Tuk suggested:
“How about if we all went to ‘Bollywood
Planet’, it’s brand new and very hip.
There, you’ll meet full of beautiful people,
local as well as from overseas?”
“That sounds very nice,”
replied Unky Berky, “but Zapy and I have had
a very long, though interesting day, and frankly,
we’re both a little tired. Wouldn’t you
know a smaller, quiet place?”
“But I’ve had a
two-hour nap, that’s more than enough to
recuperate!” I retorted, throwing daggers at
that killjoy of an uncle. “I’m ready to
accompany you”, I added, addressing the two
boys, then turning again towards Bonka, I said,
with my croaking voice: “You can go to bed,
I won’t mind, I can see, your eyes are all
red.” Then half withpering, so as
not to appear too much of an ass, I asked Tuk:
“Do you think Brad Pitt and Keanu Reeves
might be there, incognito?”
From
the GOSH ZAPINETTE! series (15 episodes in all)
/9//21 Excerpted from Zulu Zapy wins the Rainbow
Nation, by Albert Russo.
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