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Copper Bottomed
by Ian Curtress

Now I have a lot of time for the boys in blue and have no cause for a grievance.
It’s reassuring to see them sitting in the Beamers chatting and having their coffees
I like to hear their Blues and Twos blaring when they’re are going to sign off.
However, I had a run in with them on the motorway.
I was pulled over the other morning and behaved impeccably.
Said good morning chaps but was greeted with a stern face saying do you know what your speed was over the past two miles?
I said no, my eyes were on the road, but I would be interested as the car is running particularly well. Would he know it?
Humour me he said. Have a guess.
Well I felt I was just plodding along. Stop right there he said. Why did you say plodding, were you being offensive?
It appeared he read an underlying meaning to plodding.
I said I was rather taken aback by his manner and suggested we start again, or better still let me go on my way rejoicing.
Nothing I could say was right, wrong side of bed came to mind.
Now we were joined by number two Blue. Having trouble are we? Being difficult are we?
Sounded like the Royal We.
He doesn’t know his speed he sarcastically advised his Opo.
Well shall we tell him he said stretching to his full five foot seven inches.
By this time I think we all wanted to know.
What is the speed limit on this motorway, I thought this really is becoming twenty questions.
They didn’t seem to know anything and I pointed out I was a layman unlike them and they should really have answers rather than questions.
It’s funny I hadn’t really noticed his complexion before but he didn’t look too well to me.
It was my turn to ask a question. Are you alright I asked, you look flushed.
Suddenly they cut to the chase. 78 miles per hour and the limit is 70.
I admit my comment was facetious when I said, you little devils you knew all the while.
You will be reported and if found guilty you will have points on your licence.
Oh how I longed to say couldn’t I have one with rounded corners, but was anxious for the one with the puce face.
In due course I received a phone call.
I was let off with a caution and in answer to my enquiry I was told the Officer had now recovered and returned to light duties and thanking me for my interest.
As I say, I have lot of time for the boys in Blue.