Cain's
Punishment
by Albert Russo
After Cain had disposed of
Abel, smashing his head, dealing it furious blows
with a heavy branch he had cut out of a tree, he
saw so much blood flowing out of his brother’s
skull, he thought he had just created a
miraculous red fountain, - jeezette, he
was such an ignoramus, he knew nothing of the
human body (it’s called anatomy, Anna and
Tommy have nothing to do with this).
A booming voice suddenly
exploded in the atmosphere.
“Whhheeere is your
broooththther?” asked Goddess.
“I ain’t my bro’s
keeepperrr! - he bawled, taken aback by that decibellish
echo falling on his head as if from a black hole
- the last word sounded like that delicious
smoked fish ‘kippers’ that I loooove
eating at breakfast whenever we visit good ole
England.” He couldn’t even speak
properly.
“From now on, you
shall roam the world aimlessly”, She went on,
drilling into his eardrums, “with a tongue
dry as bark and tummy aches that will give you
permanent diarrheas, not letting you a single
moment of rest, and this until your death, after
which I will put your tongue on fire, burning
whatever food you try to eat, turning it into ash.”
Wow wee, a more formidabbabble
and awesome punishment cannot exist, I’m
sure!
It’s probably what
awaits the Islamic terrorists who believe that as
martyrs, after they have murdered scores of
innocent people, 72 virgin belly dancers will
serve them delicious couscous and honey cookies,
then sing them lullabies till they go to shluf,
dreaming of roses, peanut butter donuts - some of
them used to gorge themselves on this stuff when
they lived in America - game meat and birds of
paradise.
Now, what bothers me here
is, who Goddess punished so abdominably?
The Jews of yore, forced to wander the earth
forever, or the Christians and the Muslims of
today?
If it was the Jews, why
then did She say that they were her Chosen People?
What kinda invertebratish decision was
that? Was She that sadistic, or did she use them
for S&M - I much prefer m&m’s, they
melt in your mouth rainbowish - ,
playing hooky for 2000+ years?
Goddess, I am now
addressing YOU directly and expect a candid
answer, if you want me to give you an ounce of
respect, coz this kind of behavior ain’t
worthy of ‘You know Who’ - I’m
supposed never to pronounce Your Name, on account
that you are the Holiest of all the holy cows
that deplete our ozone, with their mega farts -
another of Your sick inventions! But since I am
made in Your image, I can speak to You as an
equal, no offence intended, just being democratic
is all.
Hey, Supreme Goddess, how
about if we joined as partners? You from on high,
with a mega view of our planet - surely you must
miss some details, even with your telescopic eyes
-, whereas I would fill you in with the necessary
info. And we could both improve life here for all
and sundry.
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