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Bill and the Beggar
by Jeffrey Wald

Once there was a very unusual man named Bill. Oh yes, a most unusual man! You see, Bill was unusual because he believed literally the teachings of Jesus. If a robber took his cell phone, Bill would run after him and give him his wallet as well. When Bill was sued, he would quickly resolve the case for twice what the plaintiff was asking. And once Bill was passing by a nightclub when a brawl spilled onto the street; a man mistook Bill for one of the brawlers and punched him in the left eye. Bill calmly looked the man in the face and said politely, “Please sir, would you punch me in the right eye as well?” So you see, Bill was a most unusual man indeed.

Now it came to pass one day when Bill was out walking that he came upon a naked beggar.

“Please, sir,” asked the beggar, “May I have your shirt?”

Seeing the man had none, Bill took off his shirt and handed it to the beggar. He saw the beggar also had no shoes, so he took off his shoes and gave them to the beggar. Seeing he had no socks, Bill likewise took off his socks and handed them to the beggar. The naked beggar of course had no pants, so down went Bill’s pants and into the hands of the beggar. Finally, Bill saw the man had no undies, so he took off his undies and gave those to the beggar. Now Bill was as naked as a newborn crow.

“Thank you,” said the beggar gratefully, immediately after which a policeman appeared, arresting both Bill and the beggar: the beggar for panhandling, and Bill for public indecency. Now Bill and the beggar live next to each other in lovely concrete rooms with iron-barred doors that look out onto a concrete hallway. And both Bill and the beggar are beautifully clothed in matching orange jumpsuits.