Bill and the
Beggar
by Jeffrey Wald
Once there was
a very unusual man named Bill. Oh yes, a most
unusual man! You see, Bill was unusual because he
believed literally the teachings of Jesus. If a
robber took his cell phone, Bill would run after
him and give him his wallet as well. When Bill
was sued, he would quickly resolve the case for
twice what the plaintiff was asking. And once
Bill was passing by a nightclub when a brawl
spilled onto the street; a man mistook Bill for
one of the brawlers and punched him in the left
eye. Bill calmly looked the man in the face and
said politely, “Please sir, would you punch
me in the right eye as well?” So you see,
Bill was a most unusual man indeed.
Now it came to
pass one day when Bill was out walking that he
came upon a naked beggar.
“Please,
sir,” asked the beggar, “May I have
your shirt?”
Seeing the man
had none, Bill took off his shirt and handed it
to the beggar. He saw the beggar also had no
shoes, so he took off his shoes and gave them to
the beggar. Seeing he had no socks, Bill likewise
took off his socks and handed them to the beggar.
The naked beggar of course had no pants, so down
went Bill’s pants and into the hands of the
beggar. Finally, Bill saw the man had no undies,
so he took off his undies and gave those to the
beggar. Now Bill was as naked as a newborn crow.
“Thank
you,” said the beggar gratefully,
immediately after which a policeman appeared,
arresting both Bill and the beggar: the beggar
for panhandling, and Bill for public indecency.
Now Bill and the beggar live next to each other
in lovely concrete rooms with iron-barred doors
that look out onto a concrete hallway. And both
Bill and the beggar are beautifully clothed in
matching orange jumpsuits.
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