B.A.B.Y
Second Tour
part 2
by Will Nuessle
return to part 1
return to start of
story
Mission
Five: Equipment Check
Near the end
of what has been a delightful family trip, Team
BABIES will need to reconvene at the airport to
repeat the flying excursion in the other
direction. While Alpha is busy doing something
very important,[1] Bravo will attempt to
locate shoes for Charlie. After thirty minutes’
search, she will have found three separate left
shoes and zero right shoes. For this mission to
be considered a success, Charlie will need shoes
on both feet for the duration. Mission will not
be considered a fail if both are left shoes.[2]
Mission
Six: Forced Entry
Upon returning
to home base from vacation, Team BABIES will
discover that they are once again locked out of
the house, this time thanks (inadvertently) to
Charlie. To complete this mission successfully,
Alpha must gain entry to the domicile without
breaking anything.[3]
Upon
completion of this mission, Team BABIES will
receive an extended shore leave. All Team members
are encouraged to rest while they have a chance.
Mission
Seven: Diplomatic Negotiations
Welcome back,
soldier. At 2130, a.k.a. Sunday evening, Alpha
will be re-installing Charlie’s car seat in
his personal vehicle when he will be briefly
detained by a pair of security officers (i.e.,
policemen.) Despite the fact that Alpha is
putting something into a vehicle rather
than taking something out of it, the officers
will still require his license and registration.
Regardless of how tired and irritated Alpha may
be, mission is considered a fail if what is going
through Alpha’s head comes out of his mouth
and he is forcibly removed from the premises.
Subsequent to
this mission, Team BABIES will receive a new
member, hereafter referred to as Delta.
Mission
Eight: Religious Observance
Team BABIES
will dress, eat and arrive at Sunday services by
0830. As Bravo is auditing a financial class,
Alpha will have sole charge of one-month-old
Delta. (For the sake of Alpha’s sanity,
Charlie will be in childcare.) Due to general
lack of sleep, Alpha will discover that he has no
milk, diapers, burp rag or fresh fatigues in
Delta’s size. Delta will, however, still
require clothes and food. Emergency rations will
be available; mission is considered a fail if
Alpha cannot figure out how to combine a 4oz
packet of formula with a 2oz bottle. Mission is
not considered a fail if Alpha leaves a bit of a
mess in the church bathroom.[4]
[1] Just
because I can’t remember what doesn’t
mean it wasn’t important
[2] Mission was not a fail
[3] Mission was a fail
[4] Alpha still feels terrible about that,
BTW
Excerpted from 'Fire at Will II: Will Tell Jokes
for Food'
go to part 3
|
