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A Vignette on the Culinary Vicissitudes of a Spoiled Cat
by Bill Tope

“Here you are, Freya,” murmured Wendy coaxingly, approaching the cat with an opened can of Friskies Pheasant Frappe.  “Specially frozen just for you, Sugar!”  She set the can before the little gray creature.  Freya furrowed her brow, then rose to her feet and peered into the container, sniffing.  Looking up questioningly at Wendy, Freya then twitched her whiskers and hissed sibilantly.

“Well, is that nice?” asked the human bean plaintively. Again Freya hissed. “Well,” said Wendy, “if you don’t want it then I know a grateful cat that will be happy to accomodate me!” And with that she turned to the door and swept it open, tossing the can of goodies outside.  In a flash there was a feline blur who dashed up and gorged himself, before the can even hit the ground. (Munch, munch, munch, and so on).

Shutting the door on the glutted cat, Wendy faced another dilemma: what would Freya eat now?  She already turned down the Pheasant Frappe, the T-bone Steak with Asparagus, and the Bacon-wrapped Shrimp with Bourbon Glaze--heavy on the Bourbon.  What could she possibly tempt the finicky cat with next?  Wendy dug her knuckles into her chin as she thought.

“I’ve got it!” announced Wendy triumphantly.  Freya, again prone upon the tiger skin rug, regarded her for a moment, then yawned widely and licked her paw, which she then rubbed across the top of her head.  Wendy turned her back on the cat dismissively.

Working with a frenzy born of inspiration, she chopped and dashed and sliced and cooked and at length came up with her masterpiece. She stood back a step to admire her handiwork. And there she had it:  Lobster a la Niporentine, a resplendent lobster with Mornay Sause and cat nip. Wend kissed the tips of her fingers and said,  “c’est le meilleur!”

Freya, of course, devoured the treat as if she had never seen food before; however, there is a melancholy end to this tale:  infatuated with catnip-enhanced comestibles, Freya never again ate an unfortified repast and was soon in rehab, beset by a profound addiction to catnip. She is at step 5 of a 12-step rehabilitative program.