At The Paris Gay
Pride 1
by Albert Russo
Unky Berky and I went to
Montparnasse to join the Gay Pride March. I had
never seen so many people in the streets having
so much fun. My uncle has always refused to
attend the Bastille Day festivities, which, as
you may not know, commemorate the choppings off
of Louis the Sixteenths and Marie-Antoinettes
heads.
According to Unky Berky all the
thieves of France and Navarre - that's an
expreshun to remind Americans that this here
country was once the mightiest in the world,
especially under the rule of the Sun King (who
had nothing to do with Kung Fu), the perpetraitor
of Versailles - congregate on the 14th of July to
take revenge on the government and their peers,
making it Pickpocket Day Galore.
Talking about la France
éternelle, in order to protect their
language against Mickey Mouse and MacDonald Duck
talk, the French Monastery of Culture have passed
a new law prohibiting the use of furren words
like 'Oscar' (the Hollywood type), 'computer' or
'brunch', at the risk of being heavily fined. I
do hope they will continue to let me eat my
cheeseburgers in peace, and not withdraw my
French passport, coz if you remember, I have two
nationalities. With all them new laws hitting
furreners (do I have to repeat to you that I am
also half American?), especially them poor Arabs
and Blacks whom the National Front accuse of
stealing away their menial jobs - maybe these
fascists believe that ghosts will sweep the
streets for them or scoop their dog's poop, since
they themselves would never stoop to such basely
disgusting tasks. They also cant stand Muslims
and Jews on account that they have their pre-pukes
cut off. Between you and me, I think this
tradishun stinks, even if Americans do it too: it's
supposed to be high-genic, I call it high
barbaric. Thank Goddess neither Unky Berky nor
lil Peter have had to be pre-puked on account
that Roman Catholics believe in preserving the
foreskin, unlike Jesus who was circumcised a week
after he was born, on the first of January of the
year zero hundred - now go understand that! As it
is, my uncle is setchually devious, could you
imagine what it would be like if, on top of it,
he had been a pre-puke orphan?
For the first time in my life I saw
what real drag queens looked like. One of them
was blowing kisses right, left and centerfold,
clicking her tongue with loud and juicy smacks
sos to attract the attention of all and sundry -
and no, it wasn't Sunday! There were also guys
walking on high heels, parading quasark naked,
except for a flimsy teenie weenie G- string that
hung on their front bulge - some of them were the
size of melons, though I'm sure they were fake,
coz only elephants have them that big. They weres
yelling: "Gays 'r us, rah rah rah. Vive l'amour
des assholes, Vive les homosexuels"
From
the GOSH ZAPINETTE! series (10 episodes)
published by Cyberwit.net
Excerpted from Zapinette in Gay Paree, by Albert
Russo.
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