Arf
by Bill Tope
Arf sat up and
yawned widely, in the process extending a long,
pink tongue and flashing sharp white canine teeth.
Then she got down on all four and yipped
excitedly. Arf was in fact a four-pound
wiener dog and as such, was required by law to
bark furiously at any and all earthly phenomena.
Just now the
noble dachshund was protesting the appearance of
rain, for Arf knew that with rain, she would not
receive her daily constitutional and frankly, she
needed that walk. She had been particularly
thirsty this morning and slaking that thirst
enthusiastically, had puffed her bladder out to
heroic proportions.
Physically
distressed and feeling hapless, Art let out a
piteous whine, which garnered the attention of
one of the clutch of human beans that she kept as
pets; this one was female and possessed more
authority that the others; she kept her fellow
beans in line and Arf was grateful for that.
Sometimes, she knew, human beans could get out of
hand. And they were almost helpless without
the little dog.
This human,
known locally as "Mom," attached a red
leash to Arf's collar, unfolded an umbrella and
said, "Come on, Baby, this'll keep us dry."
And she led the way to the front door. How
utterly humiliating, stewed Arf, following Mom
out the door and onto the front lawn. "Okay,
Arf, do your business," she said, holding
the umbrella over the two of them. Yikes!
thought the little dog: the grass is wet!
She glanced back at Mom and glared. Don't look!
she admonished the human, and at length concluded
her ablutions.
Back inside
the warm kitchen, Mom unsnapped the leash and
gave Arf an affectionate pat on her flank.
Arf stuck her nose in the air and whimpered
peremptorily. Mom then knelt and scratched
the top of the dachshund's brown head. Umm,
thought Arf. I love when they do that.
Next Arf ate
and drank her fill and then reposed upon a rug
before the hearth, relishing the heat on a cold
autumn day. And in her mind she dreamed amorously
of the cat, Fifi, from next door. The little dog
had to smile at their little secret: her whole
family of beans only imagined that Arf was binary.
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