Anonymouse And
The Keyboard Kowards
a children’s
bedtime story
by George Beckerman
Once upon a
time, there was a mouse. A nasty mouse. A mouse
who constantly posted negative social media
comments about everyone and everything. He used
the handle Anonymouse. No one knew him nor could
locate him because Anonymouse, a forty year old
rodent, hid in the basement room of his parents’
little mouse hole residence. He never left, got
Door Dash deliveries of Cheese Doodles, Chitos
and cheese fries while using his tiny mouse
digits to vomit ad hominems at opinions he
disagreed with.
But for some inexplicable reason, this loathsome
member of the vermin race attracted tens of
thousands of followers, who also felt free to
disparage because these “brave”,
soulless souls hid behind the pseudonym Anonymice.
However, the countless species who were victims
of Anonymouse and his minions’ verbal darts
had a different name for them…Keyboard
Kowards.
When Anonymouse was a child, his parents and
society in general taught him to believe that
everything he did was effing amazing.
Unfortunately for little Anon, when he became an
adult, the real world did not agree. Thus, his
hostility. Now I’m not a shrink, but since
most people think they are and offer unrequested,
uneducated diagnoses, that would be mine. So kids,
if you’re ever handed a prize for coming in
tenth place, immediately urinate on it and give
it back. It’s bullshit. And I guarantee, if
you do that consistently as a child, you will not
be blindsided or if you’re British,
gobsmacked by adult life as was Anonymouse. But I
digress. That’s what you say when you’ve
rambled on too long.
It seemed like the turning point in Anonymouse’s
venom-spewing existence came when he dared to
viciously criticize a woman who had adopted a
blind, three-legged puppy, as the worst kind of
woke. Many of the Keyboard Kowards were taken
aback by this, asking themselves if this
criticism could be a bridge too far. But when the
smoke cleared, Anonymouse did not lose one single
follower, which emboldened him even more. To his
sycophants he had achieved diety status.
And then, things got worse. Anonymouse and his
brownshirts, feeling unharnessed by rules started
making disparaging comments about the families of
people they disagreed with but never met. That
escalated to physical threats, then death threats.
Just for expressing thoughtful opinions in
respectful ways. That’s when the considerate
posters decided to stop posting.
With the good guys gone, Anonymouse and his
Keyboard Kowards had social media all to
themselves. But their rejoicing was short-lived.
With no folks to disparage and threaten, they
quickly turned on each other. However, invisible
bullies bullying other unseen bullies was no fun
at all. So they unplugged their keyboards. And
Anonymouse, sadly (only for him) went back to
being just a mouse living in his parents’
basement.
Kids, what have we learned? There will never be
peace in the valley until the thoughts of
Anonymice that immediately become hurtful social
blatherings have a chance to sit inside the head
of the thinker and be considered before posting.
Or buy a cat.
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