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Anonymouse And The Keyboard Kowards
a children’s bedtime story
by George Beckerman

Once upon a time, there was a mouse. A nasty mouse. A mouse who constantly posted negative social media comments about everyone and everything. He used the handle Anonymouse. No one knew him nor could locate him because Anonymouse, a forty year old rodent, hid in the basement room of his parents’ little mouse hole residence. He never left, got Door Dash deliveries of Cheese Doodles, Chitos and cheese fries while using his tiny mouse digits to vomit ad hominems at opinions he disagreed with. 
But for some inexplicable reason, this loathsome member of the vermin race attracted tens of thousands of followers, who also felt free to disparage because these “brave”, soulless souls hid behind the pseudonym Anonymice. However, the countless species who were victims of Anonymouse and his minions’ verbal darts had a different name for them…Keyboard Kowards.
When Anonymouse was a child, his parents and society in general taught him to believe that everything he did was effing amazing. Unfortunately for little Anon, when he became an adult, the real world did not agree. Thus, his hostility. Now I’m not a shrink, but since most people think they are and offer unrequested, uneducated diagnoses, that would be mine. So kids, if you’re ever handed a prize for coming in tenth place, immediately urinate on it and give it back. It’s bullshit. And I guarantee, if you do that consistently as a child, you will not be blindsided or if you’re British, gobsmacked by adult life as was Anonymouse. But I digress. That’s what you say when you’ve rambled on too long.
It seemed like the turning point in Anonymouse’s venom-spewing existence came when he dared to viciously criticize a woman who had adopted a blind, three-legged puppy, as the worst kind of woke. Many of the Keyboard Kowards were taken aback by this, asking themselves if this criticism could be a bridge too far. But when the smoke cleared, Anonymouse did not lose one single follower, which emboldened him even more. To his sycophants he had achieved diety status.
And then, things got worse. Anonymouse and his brownshirts, feeling unharnessed by rules started making disparaging comments about the families of people they disagreed with but never met. That escalated to physical threats, then death threats. Just for expressing thoughtful opinions in respectful ways. That’s when the considerate posters decided to stop posting.
With the good guys gone, Anonymouse and his Keyboard Kowards had social media all to themselves. But their rejoicing was short-lived. With no folks to disparage and threaten, they quickly turned on each other. However, invisible bullies bullying other unseen bullies was no fun at all. So they unplugged their keyboards. And Anonymouse, sadly (only for him) went back to being just a mouse living in his parents’ basement.
Kids, what have we learned? There will never be peace in the valley until the thoughts of Anonymice that immediately become hurtful social blatherings have a chance to sit inside the head of the thinker and be considered before posting.
Or buy a cat.