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A Misconception
by Bill Tope

Medical experts tell us that many prenatal factors influence the development, the maturation and the birth of the fetus.  My own experiences tell me that environmental factors affect the future child well before gestation; in fact at the very point of conception.  Though it is admittedly anecdotal in nature, forthwith is my evidence:

My first son was class valedictorian of both his high school and his university, where he took doctorates in Biochemistry and Medicine.  He is now a Fellow at a major medical research institution as well as a practicing physician.  He was conceived during an airing of 60 Minutes.

My eldest daughter was a spectacular athlete in high school and later at university.  Today she is a member of the United States Women's Soccer Team.  She has two Olympic medals.   She was conceived, we think, during an episode of ESPN.

My middle son was editor of his school paper and graduated summa cum laude from a prestigious eastern university with advanced degrees in both History and Journalism.  Today he is Washington D.C. Bureau Chief for one of the most  formidable newspapers in the United States.  In his spare time he pens biographies of American presidents.  He was conceived during an episode of CNN.

My second daughter did well in school and moved on to college where, well, she did well again.  Upon graduation, she married her high school sweetheart and today they have four beautiful children, two boys and two girls.  Those scamps! While her husband works as a pediatrician, she remains at home, raising the children and keeping house.  She is a dynamite cook!  She was conceived during a replay of the old Donna Reed Show on Nick at Night.

My youngest son got Cs in everything but P.E. and didn't go to college.  He got his GED two years after dropping out of high school.  Today he sells burritos and red hots to tourists and lifeguards in Miami Beach.  In his spare time he is a beach comber and carves curious figures out of interesting specimens of driftwood.  For extra cash he repairs vintage automobiles.  He was conceived during a rerun of Gilligan's Island.  Or was it an episode of My Mother the Car?

My last daughter was Prom Queen at her high school and voted "Most Popular Girl" three years straight.  Right out of school she became a fashion model and accrued a fortune on runways across the globe.  She married a famous financier and they had three attractive--but ambitious--children.  Today they live on a palatial  estate in Denver, Colorado.  As you might suspect, she was conceived during an episode of Dynasty.
Though my wife and I are quite finished producing kids, our own children are still in the process of building their own families.  I just pray they don't procreate during an airing of The Walking Dead or an episode of The Twilight Zone or a rebroadcast of any Trump rally.  And please, don't "do it" during Fox News!