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Air Karma Sneakers
by Bob Iozzia

A man realizes or decides he needs a new pair of sneakers. His dilemma is he realizes or decides he will die if he buys the sneakers. The man—whose identity is not germane to this story, but let’s call him Larry Lyle Perlmutter of 666 Vista View Way, Carbuncle, California—is enterprising and amoral, so he realizes or decides the answer to his atheistic prayers is to steal the sneakers.

As a dress rehearsal for the heist, he pilfers his neighbor’s newspaper. He waits a day to see if the newspaper police or another law enforcement squad arrests him for the theft. After the test period, he remains unincarcerated, which boosts his confidence. A secondary reason for stealing the newspaper is to research the advertising circulars to learn what stores are having sneaker sales. Not that he intends to pay for them; he figures the store that has the best bargains will be crowded with customers who will unwittingly camouflage his crime.

The fateful day arrives, as does the man at the target store (lower case t). The name of the store is not germane to this story, but let’s call it Sneakers to Die For, 666 Vista View Way, White Flight, California. The man is disappointed with the customer turnout but realizes or decides there are enough wide-bodied people in the store so that his crime will be shielded. He finds a pair of sneakers he doesn’t hate in his size. And when he realizes or decides no one is looking, he ditches the box and hides the sneakers beneath his plus-size dress that he stole for this occasion.

As he amscrays out of the store and begins to cross the street, the man is trampled to death in the White Flight Running of the Elephants, an event that had been postponed for thirty years before its resurrection this very day.

The man dies too soon to realize or decide two important lessons besides karma is a bitch:
1. Not only does crime not pay, but it costs dearly.
2. What goes around eventually comes around—sometimes in the guise of a stampede—even if it takes thirty years.