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Ah, to Live in Sin!
by Albert Russo

Hey, did you notice something about the word Ham-sin? Do I have to remind you that Jews and Muslims consider that to eat ham is a sin? And therefore God punishes the would-be offenders with a hellish wind that blows from the Sahara, which then hops over to Egypt and the Sinai, before it finally hits these parts.

Like I said before, in these here biblical lands there are so many do’s and don’t’s that you are a sinner even before you are born, the worst four-letter word being SINS, yes in plural, on account of all the stations of your afterlife - in case you are Christian - that can start in limbo, if you die without being baptised, then comes purgatory, if your sins on earth weren’t so serious, like throwing a stray cat in a dustbin, without killing it, like that English mum who mistook a flea-bitten pussy for some dirty plush toy. And then comes the devil’s may-care kingdom, which all the fanatics of this planet promise you will go to, on account of all them do’s and don’t’s, which you pretend you keep confusing.

Poor New Yorkers, poor Las Vegans, who are supposed to live in SIN cities. And yeah, I love both places, sin or no sin! Either God had an upset stomach or a terrible fight with his wife, or was it with his concubine, or with his mistress, when he let folks build these cities? Coz you think God had no one by his side? And gorgeous-looking Jesus, he didn’t have a companion you think? Hey I never said he was gay, he might have been ... What? Blasphemy? ... bla bla bla yourself!

Jeezette, what these monks have us believe is such a load of bullshit - they probably have descended themselves from the branch of Middle-Eastern monkeys -, telling us that you can love your soulmate only if you wish to marry him and so Fork Nick Kate, and the same old stories all over again.

Long live ole Madonna full of profanity, and spastic Lady Gaga, and disheveled Britney Spears, and hunky dory Ricky Martin who came out, admitting he was gay gay gay, and the late Freddy Mercury who rubbed his thing in front of all and sundry, and Michael Jackson who made the same shameless gestures, only in his case I think he looked much more handsome before he went to them plastic surgeons who transformed him into E.T.’s brother or was it his sister-in-law, I’m not sure which. Then there’s that famous French DJ David Guetta and his wife who attract the BOPs (body-fulla-odor people), who dance all night long till the wee wee hours of the morning, without changing clothes or washing themselves, and probably peeing in their pants as they thrust their legs every which way, like bees around a honeycomb.

What would we do without these fabulous talents and their divine music, fer chrisssake!