Ah, to Live in
Sin!
by Albert Russo
Hey, did you notice
something about the word Ham-sin? Do I
have to remind you that Jews and Muslims consider
that to eat ham is a sin? And therefore God
punishes the would-be offenders with a hellish
wind that blows from the Sahara, which then hops
over to Egypt and the Sinai, before it finally
hits these parts.
Like I said before, in
these here biblical lands there are so many do’s
and don’t’s that you are a sinner even
before you are born, the worst four-letter word
being SINS, yes in plural, on account of all the
stations of your afterlife - in case you are
Christian - that can start in limbo, if you die
without being baptised, then comes purgatory, if
your sins on earth weren’t so serious, like
throwing a stray cat in a dustbin, without
killing it, like that English mum who mistook a
flea-bitten pussy for some dirty plush toy. And
then comes the devil’s may-care kingdom,
which all the fanatics of this planet promise you
will go to, on account of all them do’s and
don’t’s, which you pretend you keep
confusing.
Poor New Yorkers, poor Las
Vegans, who are supposed to live in SIN cities.
And yeah, I love both places, sin or no sin!
Either God had an upset stomach or a terrible
fight with his wife, or was it with his concubine,
or with his mistress, when he let folks build
these cities? Coz you think God had no one by his
side? And gorgeous-looking Jesus, he didn’t
have a companion you think? Hey I never said he
was gay, he might have been ... What? Blasphemy?
... bla bla bla yourself!
Jeezette, what these monks
have us believe is such a load of bullshit - they
probably have descended themselves from the
branch of Middle-Eastern monkeys -, telling us
that you can love your soulmate only if you wish
to marry him and so Fork Nick Kate, and
the same old stories all over again.
Long live ole Madonna full
of profanity, and spastic Lady Gaga, and
disheveled Britney Spears, and hunky dory Ricky
Martin who came out, admitting he was gay gay gay,
and the late Freddy Mercury who rubbed his thing
in front of all and sundry, and Michael Jackson
who made the same shameless gestures, only in his
case I think he looked much more handsome before
he went to them plastic surgeons who transformed
him into E.T.’s brother or was it his sister-in-law,
I’m not sure which. Then there’s that
famous French DJ David Guetta and his wife who
attract the BOPs (body-fulla-odor people), who
dance all night long till the wee wee hours of
the morning, without changing clothes or washing
themselves, and probably peeing in their pants as
they thrust their legs every which way, like bees
around a honeycomb.
What would we do without
these fabulous talents and their divine music,
fer chrisssake!
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