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After Joey, After Eight
by Albert Russo

O yeah, do I love these stories full of twists and turns! The Bible is full of them. See now why reading it is so much fun. And NO, they’re not the words of Goddess, Reverend Shlock, they’re the work of writers like Ms Rowling, Shake’em Pears and … me. Yeah, they’re all the fruit of our imagination, even if some heroes and heroins are supposed to have really existed, like king David, king Solomon, Judith, the courageous gal who slit the head of Holophernes who wanted to kill the Jews, beautiful queen Esther, Jesus, whom the Romans called INRI (if you didn’t know what these Latin letters meant, here it is: Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews - it’s amazing how so many Christians don’t know that he was Jewish, like his parents and the apostles, ignoramousies!)

So, back to the Babbledum.

The new pharaoh forgot all about the times when Joseph saved Egypt from the seven plagues and instead began to look upon the Hebrew population who had flourished in his land as a nuisance, maybe he was comparing them to locusts, on account that they had become quite numerous and looked a bit too healthy.

“I’ll show them, fat friggin foreigners,” he thought, and he ordered his soldiers to make them work as slaves, using them to build new pyramids and other monuments. But even as they were being mistreated with insults and lashings, the Heebs seemed to grow even stronger and more muscular.

“Wow wow wow!,” exclaimed pharaoh, “these people seem to be unbreakable, I shall take drastic measures that will cut short their proliferation.”

And so, the Sun King ordered his officers to go at night to every Hebrew house and kill all the baby boys. He must have been the one to give the first hint to Herr Meshuggele Hitler, who perfected the system by eliminating, not only the boys, but the whole Jewish folk - he almost succeeded in wiping them out from the face of Europe, the Mamzer, for a few did escape his industrial death chambers.

Torrents of blood and tears flowed in the Hebrew encampments of Egypt. This is where I want to curse you Goddess, you who are so quickly ready to call us sinners. Come on now, how sinful were those poor innocent baby boys, who by the way, were circumcised, to please You? Not to speak of the millions the nazis sent in smoke through huge chimneys in Poland and in Germany. Oh, so, I have already complained about this! You’re like those people who can’t suffer to hear the Jews lamenting about their losses. Well, to them I say, how about, if we sent your kids down the drain, your grandparents, your dog, your cat, as well as your budgies. I’d like to see if you will sing a song of sixpence then go and pig out on nachos and hot chocolate to celebrate these events.