A Felinist Bible
by Albert Russo
I never told you that I
would go over the whole Bible for you, I ain’t
your priest. For you lazy bums who go to church
every Sunday and keep parroting words of which
you understand zilch, I advise you to buy a fully
illustrated Bible, so you get some notion of what
I’m talking about and stop miss-inter-pratting
what the original Heebies wrote. Most of
you still believe the Jews killed Jesus, when it
was the Romans who excruxiatified him. I
bet you didn’t even know that he, like his
mom Mary and his dad Joseph - who wasn’t his
real dad, but that’s another story - were
also Jews.
I wrote that before, but it
seems that you can’t repeat it enough. The
proof is in the porridge - yuk I hate that plate,
it looks like marsupial vomit -, instead of
respecting our Jewish brethren and sistern,
there are more and more bloomin’ antisemites
in our Western universities. What a bunch of ignoram-asses
- and here I include them hifalutin woke (which
is the opposite of being awaken) proffffesssors
who think they’re so smart!
What I’m most
concerned in is the heroines of this most unholy
book - yeah there are too many instances when the
MCPs illtreat their better halves, believing they’re
sooo soop-ee-ry-err. Look how the poor
lassies live in Iran or in Saudi Arabia today!
Why do you think I’ve replaced god with
Goddess? It’s a man … manshsh
… who supposedly wrote the first lines of
the bible, and along the centuries other gross munchies
continued scribbling stories, twisting the truth.
Monks spent their lives copying them and so did
the imams. And you trust them? Never mind that
the ladder certify that the Kuran came from Allah
hisself. Next time I go to Israel with
my uncle, I’ll proclaim myself Saint
Zapinette on Christmas day before all the
pilgrims of Nazareth and Jerusalem.
Ahhh, so it’s
ridiculous, hey! How about Napoleon who decided
he would become emperor, crowning his Josephine
by the same token, with the most expensive
diamond tiara, only a few years after the French
Revolution which was believed to end all them
royal nannyties and aristocattish
shenanigans. To those of you who are naught in
history, I’m not talking about Josephine
Baker, the famous dancer who left America in 1925
because of racism, you ninny, tho Napo’s
wife was also half black, and if you didn’t
know it, she came from Martinique.
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