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World Cup Football All-Star Team
by William Kitcher

CHRIS:  Ladies and gentlemen, we’re proud to have the honour and privilege of announcing the All-Star Team for this year’s World Cup football competition.  That’s soccer to you North Americans hee hee hee.  Take it away.
PAT:  The goalkeeper, from England, John Smith.
CHRIS:  Fullback, from Hungary, Gyozo Szentmihalyi.
PAT:  Fullback, from France, Pierre Martin.
CHRIS:  Fullback, from South Africa, Mafika Mphahlele.
PAT:  Fullback, from Germany, Erich Schmidt.
CHRIS:  Midfielder, from Russia, ah jeesh, Veniamin Mchvenieradze.
PAT:  Midfielder, from United States, David Johnson.
CHRIS:  All right, wait a minute, we switch.  You go again.
PAT:  Midfielder, from Nigeria...
CHRIS:  Aha!
PAT:  Bob Jones.
CHRIS:  What?
PAT:  That’s what it says here.  Bob Jones.
CHRIS:  Midfielder, from England. Oh good, finally...  Yoshikatsu Yoshinamarakatsumomo.  Man oh man.
PAT:  Striker, from Brazil.  Do you want to take this one?
CHRIS:  Not a chance.
PAT:  Striker, from Brazil.  (Pause.)  Rio.
CHRIS:  You stink.
PAT:  Do you want to take the last striker and I’ll take the coach?
CHRIS:  Where are they from?
PAT:  Striker from Poland.  Coach from Iran.
CHRIS:  Not sure.  Let’s take a look.  (looks at name.)  No, you take the Polish one.  You won’t get this on the first try.
PAT:  Striker, from Poland.  Tadeusz Pyciak-Peciak Maszczyk.
CHRIS:  Is that how you pronounce it?
PAT:  Of course.  OK, announce the coach.
CHRIS:  Coach, from Iran, Abutaleb Saifpour Parvid Mahmoud Aliaakbar Mollaghassemi.
PAT:  So that’s the All-star eleven!  Thanks for joining us today.  My partner’s name is Chris Johnson.
CHRIS:  And this is Patrimonous Aardvark Obligability Gubernatorial Handcream Nihilist Tonsorial Cephalopod Necrophagia Hypercholesterolemia Cybernetic George Antidisestablishmentarianism.  Good night!