World Cup
Football All-Star Team
by William Kitcher
CHRIS:
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re proud to have
the honour and privilege of announcing the All-Star
Team for this year’s World Cup football
competition. That’s soccer to you
North Americans hee hee hee. Take it away.
PAT: The goalkeeper, from England, John
Smith.
CHRIS: Fullback, from Hungary, Gyozo
Szentmihalyi.
PAT: Fullback, from France, Pierre Martin.
CHRIS: Fullback, from South Africa, Mafika
Mphahlele.
PAT: Fullback, from Germany, Erich Schmidt.
CHRIS: Midfielder, from Russia, ah jeesh,
Veniamin Mchvenieradze.
PAT: Midfielder, from United States, David
Johnson.
CHRIS: All right, wait a minute, we switch.
You go again.
PAT: Midfielder, from Nigeria...
CHRIS: Aha!
PAT: Bob Jones.
CHRIS: What?
PAT: That’s what it says here.
Bob Jones.
CHRIS: Midfielder, from England. Oh good,
finally... Yoshikatsu Yoshinamarakatsumomo.
Man oh man.
PAT: Striker, from Brazil. Do you
want to take this one?
CHRIS: Not a chance.
PAT: Striker, from Brazil. (Pause.)
Rio.
CHRIS: You stink.
PAT: Do you want to take the last striker
and I’ll take the coach?
CHRIS: Where are they from?
PAT: Striker from Poland. Coach from
Iran.
CHRIS: Not sure. Let’s take a
look. (looks at name.) No, you take
the Polish one. You won’t get this on
the first try.
PAT: Striker, from Poland. Tadeusz
Pyciak-Peciak Maszczyk.
CHRIS: Is that how you pronounce it?
PAT: Of course. OK, announce the
coach.
CHRIS: Coach, from Iran, Abutaleb Saifpour
Parvid Mahmoud Aliaakbar Mollaghassemi.
PAT: So that’s the All-star eleven!
Thanks for joining us today. My partner’s
name is Chris Johnson.
CHRIS: And this is Patrimonous Aardvark
Obligability Gubernatorial Handcream Nihilist
Tonsorial Cephalopod Necrophagia
Hypercholesterolemia Cybernetic George
Antidisestablishmentarianism. Good night!
|
