Things To Do
While Waiting In A Long Supermarket Checkout Line
by R.D. Ronstad
Try to mentally construct a Transformer
from your shopping cart that wouldnt
have sand kicked in its face by other
If you dont already qualify for the
senior discount, boost your spirits by
considering the possibility that you
might by the time you get to the front of
Use your ventriloquist voice to make
money talk whenever the cash register
drawer opens. (If you dont have a
ventriloquist voice, shame on you for
wasting all that time last time you
waited in long line at the supermarket.)
Play with your food.
Using the divider sticks from the
conveyor belt, develop a Flying Karamazov
Brothers routine in conjunction with
someone three or four lines down.
Have a pleasant conversation with a
surprisingly small and two-dimensional
Try to come up with a way to shut up REO
Speedwagon that doesnt involve
Say this (discreetly but audibly) to the
person in front of you: "I sure hope
no one has to pay by check, or has a tale
to tell the cashier about a family dog
with a prosthesis. I really don't want to
be late for my anger management class."
Use your cell phone to make any needed
service calls, doctor or dentist
appointments, ticket purchases, etc. It
pays to multi-wait.
Tell everyone waiting with you in line
that youre taking a poll and ask
them if they agree with the following
statement: Theres a thin line
between scan and scam.
Study the cashier's facial expressions
and body language closely and try to
gauge what he or she would consider a
sufficient contribution to Jerrys
Cheer plastic, boo paper (or vice versa).