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Things To Do While Waiting In A Long Supermarket Checkout Line
by R.D. Ronstad

Try to mentally construct a Transformer from your shopping cart that wouldn’t have sand kicked in its face by other Transformers.
If you don’t already qualify for the senior discount, boost your spirits by considering the possibility that you might by the time you get to the front of the line.
Use your ventriloquist voice to make money talk whenever the cash register drawer opens. (If you don’t have a ventriloquist voice, shame on you for wasting all that time last time you waited in long line at the supermarket.)
Play with your food.
Using the divider sticks from the conveyor belt, develop a Flying Karamazov Brothers routine in conjunction with someone three or four lines down.
Have a pleasant conversation with a surprisingly small and two-dimensional Angelina Jolie.
Try to come up with a way to shut up REO Speedwagon that doesn‘t involve vandalism.
Say this (discreetly but audibly) to the person in front of you: "I sure hope no one has to pay by check, or has a tale to tell the cashier about a family dog with a prosthesis. I really don't want to be late for my anger management class."
Use your cell phone to make any needed service calls, doctor or dentist appointments, ticket purchases, etc. It pays to multi-wait.
Tell everyone waiting with you in line that you’re taking a poll and ask them if they agree with the following statement: “There’s a thin line between scan and scam.”
Study the cashier's facial expressions and body language closely and try to gauge what he or she would consider a sufficient contribution to Jerry’s Kids.
Cheer plastic, boo paper (or vice versa).