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The Professor
by William Kitcher

Professor Earl was nearing the end of his sabbatical, and he had been working feverishly on research concerning the equation of the universe. The four walls of his study were blackboards covered with mathematical symbols. When all four blackboards had been used up, he realized he needed more blackboard space, so he had two very skeptical young men install more blackboards on his ceiling. He still hadn't completed the equation after these were filled, so he had the floor covered with more blackboards. He also had a body harness on a runners-and-pulley system installed into the ceiling so that he could complete his work without smudging the chalk. It never occurred to him to erect rows of blackboards or use a pencil and paper. Professor Earl enjoyed flying about the room.

He was scribbling furiously near the last corner of the room when he knew that his work was almost done. He slowed down considerably as he wrote down the final (x - yª)-8. He paused for a moment, and then wrote down the = sign.

He rolled himself up into a ball in his harness, furrowed his brow, scrunched up his face, removed his glasses, put his knuckles in his eyes, and didn't move for four days.

He stretched, went back to the beginning of the equation, and traced it all the way through, checking and re-checking his work.

He was very happy for an instant as he wrote down the answer, but the universe didn't disappear as he had expected. Professor Earl had very ambivalent feelings.