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The 500 Word Dash
by Alex Andy Phuong

Oh my gosh!  I hate writing!  It takes up a lot of time, and it is also like reading.  Some people think that reading is a very passive activity.  That also explains why the townspeople in Beauty and the Beast regarded Belle as a beautiful but funny girl.  They also did not use the word “funny” as a compliment.  I also hate the fact that I have to write a short story for my creative writing class, which is exactly what I am doing right now while typing out whatever comes to my mind through the stream-of-consciousness writing technique.  I do know that William Faulkner has done that, too, such as when he wrote As I Lay Dying and other celebrated novels in American literature.  Oh man, I just want this essay or story or whatever I am doing to be over!

I also hated timed writing when I was in high school and college.  I even had an English teacher in high school that would use a timer that would make a really annoying and loud noise when the buzzer went off.  When I was a community college student, I knew a girl named Erin who screamed, “O-M-G!  I hate essay tests because you have to think and write at the same time, and the worst part is that there’s no spellcheck!!!!!!”  I must agree with Erin because I usually earned “C’s” on my timed essays when I was a simple-minded teenager.

In a weird way, though, I still like books.  I empathized with Belle because classmates thought that I was weird whenever I told people that I enjoyed novels like To Kill a Mockingbird.  I also never heard of Sparknotes until my English teacher warned us to not use that website.  (The same goes for Cliffsnotes.)  I became a very peculiar student because I read all six of Jane Austen’s novels during the summer of 2007, and watched the film Becoming Jane.  Anne Hathaway did her best to bring the beloved author to life, and I congratulate her on that attempt.  (Kudos to James McAvoy as well.)

I am still trying to hit the 500 word mark on my Microsoft Word document.  Sometimes I procrastinate, which is what Spongebob did in the episode appropriately titled, “Procrastination.”  In the episode, he wasted a lot of time with nonsense behavior instead of finishing his 800-word assignment on “What Not to Do at a Stoplight.”  Wait a minute!  I see a very interesting number on the corner of my document.  It says that I know have 430 words!  And now I have 436!  Typing is really not that hard.  It is just that some people do not want to take the time to write clearly nor type effectively.  So this is the end of my story, and I somehow survived the 500 word dash.  I now have only around fifteen more words to go.  Keep going!  Keep going!  Keep going!  Now I have reached the finale.  Yay me!  Writing is powerful!