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Signs You May Be A Butterfly Dreaming You're A Man
by R.D. Ronstad

You’re always seeing tattoos of you on perfect strangers.
People are always saying you remind them of Tinker Bell.
You’re deeply offended by Imelda Marcos’ nickname, and you don’t know why.
You’re always being chased by small children, for no apparent reason.
You have been chased at least once by some dude carrying a small net and wearing khaki shorts, knee socks, and a pith helmet.
When you’re nervous, you say that you’ve got hummingbirds in your stomach.
You experience a vague sense of schadenfreude whenever you see a moth.
You can fit a completed first draft of your memoirs on a large table napkin.
You own a gym where you teach aspiring boxers how to “float like a butterfly.”
You always keep your distance from that guy in your office who thinks he might be a bird dreaming he‘s a man.
You and many of your relatives and friends have second homes in Central Mexico.
You're not afraid of needles, but you're deathly afraid of pins.