Questions A U.S.
President Should Ask Himself Before Pardoning A
Turkey At Thanksgiving
by R.D. Ronstad
|Have any turkeys
pardoned in the past truly reformed?
Have turkeys ever made a contribution to
society? Have they ever participated in a
drug bust, for example? Saved someone
freezing to death in the Alps? Delivered
vital messages to Allied troops in
wartime? Been pulled from a top
Will other animals some day demand
equal treatment? Could I end up having to
publicly pardon an anchovy at
Thanksgiving next year?
Sure I might upset the turkey population
by denying clemency, but isn't it good to
ruffle a few million feathers now and
Has a turkey ever pardoned a weevil?
Could I be upsetting the worlds
dead turkey-cranberry sauce balance?
Wouldn't the turkey actually be better
off dead? Once the execution takes place,
it's all gravy!
Snoods, caruncles, wattles--who needs