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by R.D. Ronstad

Note: Any similarities between these books and books in the real world are beyond coincidental.

Synopsis: A historical fantasy about a brilliant novelist who, disillusioned by the lack of public recognition of his talents, retires from the writing life to run a poultry farm in the French countryside. Two years later, a former literary rival, still bearing an old grudge, absconds one dark night with several of the author’s prize-winning chickens. After several days of captivity in the back of a beat-up Volkswagen minibus, the chickens effect a daring escape, and begin an arduous, danger-filled 900-mile trek back to the only home they have ever known, and the master they adore. Title: The Chickens Come Home to Proust

Synopsis: Intergalactic man-eating aliens the Kanamits return to earth after a 40-year absence and eat all the inhabitants of Chicago except, owing to their respect for the arts, Chicago’s brightest literary light. Alas, the Kanamits well-documented love for bad puns eventually overcomes their literary taste---a tragic turn of events that leads to the famous author’s demise. Title: There’s Always Room for Bellow

Synopsis: A family of modern-day trapeze artists, who have gained notoriety by reciting from The Canterbury Tales while performing high-flying acts of daring, suffers a series of unfortunate performance-related accidents. Title: Earth vs. The Flying Chaucers 

Synopsis: A biography of sixteenth-century French philosopher and essayist Francis Bacon, with a decidedly anti-Bacon slant. Title: The Bad Side of Bacon

Synopsis: A cold-war tale about an Iowa farm boy who hides his love of Russian literature from his xenophobic father by pasting false covers on all his books. Title: The Chekhov is in the Mailer

Synopsis: Focuses on a little-known period in Mark Twain’s life during which he made his living as a maitre’d in St. Louis’ trendiest bistro. Fired for regularly getting patrons to do his work for him by convincing them it was “fun,” a fistfight ensues in the kitchen between Twain and the owner of the eatery, during which the owner falls into a rack of skewers, suffering a number of fatal wounds. Twain is banned from the hospitality industry for life. A period of depression ensues. Title: Never the Twain Shall Seat

Synopsis: An autobiography by J. R. R. Tolkien. Title: I’m Tolkien to You

Synopsis: A highly unflattering biographical portrait of Truman Capote. Title: Capote Ugly 

Synopsis: Amusing story of a man who, over 10 years time (1895-1905), tried to pass himself off as Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, with little success. Title: George Bernard? Pshaw!