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Never Mind
by Vincent Barry

 . . . Oh, that Doris Day! I can’t stand her. Yes, yes I am serious! I do mean that same Doris Day who entered a room “infectiously radiating the joy of life.” But here’s the thing I’ve always suspected: “I’m not the all-American virgin queen,” her own words, italics mine. “The image I’ve got…it’s not me, not at all who I am. It has nothing to do with the life I’ve had.” But, my suspicions aside, that’s not what bugs me. I don’t care if she is or not a virgin queen, all-American or otherwise, whatever that means. I’m talking about her voice. Breathy, honeyed, singsong,—you know what I mean? Oh sure, “Stop listening.” Easy for you say. But what about when one can’t? I’m talking now when one’s spouse incessantly plays DD’s greatest hits. I’m talking—what? over fifty years ago! “Love Somebody” (1948), “A Guy Is a Guy” (1952), “Nobody’s Heart” (1962), “Secret Love” (1954). Say what? “Gordon MacRae”? What does Gordon—well, of course, Gordon MacRae, who could not like “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin,” “I Believe,” “I’ll See You in My Dreams,” “On Moonlight Bay,” and my personal favorite: “By the Light of the Silvery Moon.”. . .  Duet? “Moon”? With—?. . . Never mind….