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Little Willies
by Edmund Conti

Little Willie, potty mouth,
Found his fortunes going south
When one day something bad he said.
Father heard him.  Sh!t, dad said.

Willie Lumpkin, little brat,
Stole his sister’s brand new hat.
Touched it up with Mother’s  grater.
Now she has a fascinator.

Willie eyed the microwave
Tried to nuke his brother Dave.
“Look, Ma,”  quoted Willy hammily,
“Now we are a nuclear family."

Little Willie, sad and grave
Help put granny in her grave.
Next time, Willy, Mother said,
Please wait till your granny’s dead.

Little Willie, playing God,
Hurled a thunder bolt at Dad.
God, amused, thought Willy odd.
Still, He thought, his aim’s not bad.

Rocket wizard, little Will,
Fired off his makeshift  toy.
Rocket’s up in orbit still.
So is Willie.  Hang on, boy.

Little Willie, big time spender,
Bought a thirty-five buck blender.
His gerbil made the blender crack
Now he wants his money back.

Willie said it’s time to go
And put his parents on a floe.
Gee, he thought, a floating coffin.
Sadly, though, I’ll be an orphan.

Willie  thought Aunt Lucy smelly
Covered her with cabbage jelly.
Later Cousin Larry thinks--
Why  is  it my mommy stinks?

Willie to his own delight
And no one else’s painted white
The blackboards at his grammar school.
Saves erasing, said our fool.

Willie when his parents died.
Cried and cried.  So sad inside.
Cheer up, Will,  he said.  Be cool.
Now I am nobody’s  fool.

Willie urged by other boys on
Fed his parents rodent poison.
Now should you be interested
Willie’s house is rat-infested.