The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

Incident Report
by Jay Adair

United States Air Base, Reno, Nevada


General David Bruce

Two young men, Zachary HOWARD (17) and Aidan ESSEN (16), were discovered on Air Base property at 2234. A Lieutenant was doing routine checks on item UFO-9236 when he saw the young men, who appeared to be smoking an unidentified substance just inside the fence. The Lieutenant shouted at them and HOWARD promptly ingested the substance. The Lieutenant approached the young men and they attempted to run off the premises through the fence, but appeared to be disoriented and were detained.
The boys appeared to have breached the premises through a hole in the fence outside the launch pad. This appears to be the same hole that was used for entry when students were found on the premises two months ago.

*Statements taken in written form and transcribed as written
Statement #1 from Zachary HOWARD
We were smoking weed. I don’t even care cuz (sic) it’s pretty much legal anyways. My eyes were a bit blurry from the weed, but I saw it clear as day. I saw an unydentifyed (sic) fliing (sic) objekt (sic). I’ll tell everybody. Also your guard takelled (sic) us real hard and my buddy’s dad is a cop so you can’t touch us.
Statement #2 from Aidan ESSEN
I didn’t see anything. I swear. My allergies were acting up and I couldn’t see much. Zach told me this was an old abandoned amusement park where we could explore and talk about our plans for college. If my parents find out they won’t let me **hang out with my girlfriend anymore**. (Note that the section indicated with ** replaced a scratched out portion which clearly read “play video games”)

Captain Mercer recommended full memory wipe, but Gary the Tech was on call and I did not feel it necessary to call him in at time-and-a-half. I simply informed the two young men that we would disclose to their parents that they were “smoking up”. They both told me to “chill”, particularly HOWARD, who had up to that point been the more abrasive of the two. He said, and I quote: “Yo, cool it down bud. We didn’t see nothing, man.” Translated into proper English, this essentially means that they will not be revealing any details of what they saw to anyone, if it was at all comprehensible to them.

Submit maintenance work order to patch hole in fence.

Low – unnecessary use of resources at this time.