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A Crazy Lady
by John Yelavich

My wife and I are new residents of an over 55 community on the edge of the Pine Barrens in southern New Jersey. We feel as though we are living “Off the Grid” as a simple trip to a grocery store, mall or restaurant is an excursion requiring a full tank of gas and an emergency survival kit. Living all of our lives within ten miles of New York City spoiled us as simple conveniences are no longer at our fingertips.
My wife, Alison wanted me to make the journey go to Stop & Shop to pick up milk and rolls.
As I approached the checkout lane, my cashier, Doris was talking to another cashier, Micki. I was intrigued by their conversation and since no one was waiting in line behind me, I was glad to take a moment to listen to their mirthful laughter.
“Doris, Can you believe what happened here this morning?”
“Micki, I have seen a lot of crazy things around here but this was definitely one of a kind.”
“The manager had to call the police this morning, Micki explained.”
“She was some crazy broad; can you believe she came in here just wearing a bra and panties! She seemed very unsteady, don’t know if she was high or just drunk.”
“I guess she thought she was appropriately dressed for the heat wave, but the two policemen didn’t see it that way and quickly escorted her out the door. But they were gentle, they didn’t put her in handcuffs. I even saw one of them laughing behind her back.”
Being new to the area, I had to ask the ladies for their thoughts about local happenings.  “When you talk about crazy things are you referring to Stop & Shop or the community at large?”
“The community; believe me the people here are crazy. We have too many old timers living down here, Doris said.”
I expressed some bogus concern in the hopes that these ladies would share a few more comical stories. “Well I’m a newbie, I just moved in about a year ago, so what do I need to be concerned about and where should I focus my attention?”
Micki gave me a little bit of advice. “The women that live around here are just crazy and they will do anything to get a man. You still look kind of young, so you had better be careful.”
Both of the ladies seemed to respond in unison. “Don’t look at us, we both have a man and we don’t even live near here.”
I left with a smile, but then it occurred to me that I never asked the question, “How old was that barely clothed woman?”  If she were young, I might have really missed something, but then again, at that hour of the morning, the experience may not have been that enticing.