The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

22 Things I Learned In 2018
by William Kitcher

There is a proper, simple way of folding a fitted sheet, but no one does that and instead just wraps it all up in a ball and throws it in a drawer until needed.
Kids don’t know what to do with CDs.
People often talk about vacations and say it’s a good time to go away. I don’t know why that’s surprising. People are always saying to me, “Bill, it’s a good time for you to go away.”
If we start fining corporations for breaking the law, where will it all end?
I’m not that patriotic; when the national anthem is played, I sing only the 2nd verse.
A restaurant was advertising a special. Fish and chips and a large Amsterdam blonde for $18.99. Even without the food, that’s a good price for a Dutch hooker.
Darrell is the kind of guy you forget as soon as you meet him.
I thought the owner of the rent-a-porta-pottie company was unnecessarily inquisitive. I asked how much one cost, and he asked me how long I needed it for, which seemed to me to be kind of nosy. I told him a couple of minutes, and he told me to go away.
The girls who were cute in Grade 7 stopped being that within 10 years.
Emily has an inferiority complex, and it’s well-deserved.
When you go into a grocery store through the central entrance, and off to the left is the poultry section, and off to the right is the dairy section where the eggs are, you have to decide which comes first, the chicken or the egg.
The expression “drunk as a skunk” isn’t something I can figure out.
You should never say to someone, “My friend had a nose like yours, and she had plastic surgery.”
When you rip the balls out of a neighbourhood and fill it with boutiques and cafes, that’s called transgentrification.
If you don’t want to get punched in the head, don’t say to a young couple, “Never marry a woman for her beauty because men will always be hitting on her, and when she gets old, she won’t be beautiful anymore. I see you’ve already taken my advice.”
If someone yells, “OK, everyone, penis inspection!”, you don’t have to do it.
The woman on the street who asked me if I wanted a free psychic reading obviously wasn’t very good at her job.
Everyone has a novel in them, and I wish more people would keep them internal.
The 2 sports that seem to have the most problems with concussions – football and hockey – are the same sports in which players congratulate each other by butting their heads.
The copy of the book I just read is over 40 years old, moldy, yellowed, dried out, and falling apart, and so am I.
My manager got the job of Director of the department because she was the only person who could find the Vice-President’s penis.
“Remittance” means to put your gloves on again.
You know you’re getting older when you’re walking down the street, and you’re getting closer to the Walk/Don’t Walk light, and you don’t mind when it turns to Don’t Walk because you realize you could use the rest.
I won’t ever learn how to count.