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11 Things I Learned In 2014
by William Kitcher

The female nipple and that spot slightly above the top of the crack of the woman’s butt are apparently the most disgusting things ever according to the TV censors.
I’m happy when I get 1 number on the lottery.
To get rid of racism, the only answer is for all people to be forced to have children with someone from another ethnic group. In a couple of generations, everyone is such a mongrel that no one can say they’re superior to any other ethnic group. The only exceptions to this should be Swedes and South Seas islanders because their women are stinkin’ beautiful as they are, and you don’t want to mess that up.
The worst words a guy can hear from a woman he’s interested in are “my boyfriend” or “my husband”.
When weather broadcasters say, “inclement weather”, they mean “rain”.
I heard a football coach say that the “most smart” team will win.
If you’re young and you don’t text or have a cellphone or are on Facebook, it means you’re a rebel, but if you’re old and you don’t text or have a cellphone or are on Facebook, it means you don’t understand the technology.
Too many people have swum across Lake Ontario. It’s so easy that even a 14-year-old can do it. If you want a challenge, swim it lengthwise.
A good time to go on a crime spree is during the funeral of a cop.
Human babies evolved so that their cries resemble cats’ meows because people are concerned when cats meow.
When someone starts attacking your personality, they usually come up with the things that you think are wrong with them.
A toddler is the perfect height for you to butt your cigarette out on his head.
I still don’t know how to count.