The Court of
Culinary Appeals
by Martin Elster
and Joan Axelrod-Contrada
Zippy (Plaintiff):
Your Honor, I am filing a complaint:
The defendant eats just mung bean sprouts
and lettuce.
Every waiter who has ever fed us
has witnessed Norman’s silly self-restraint.
Norman (Defendant):
Objection, Your Honor! The charge is
quite unfair —
for eating kale, I turn to habeas corpus.
The sugary torts and cakes she loves will
warp us.
It is her health and mine for which I
care.
Zippy (Cross-Examination):
Exhibit A proves Norman’s ways too
set.
He scoffs at pasta, pizza, ravioli,
let alone rich treasures like cannoli.
He won’t have any sauce but
vinaigrette.
Norman (Defense):
I plead the Fifth on my unyielding diet,
yet mention precedent—Broccoli v.
Cake.
Dessert is contraband, a grave mistake,
I motion the court: I shall in no way try
it!
Judge (Gavel Bangs):
Enough! For bringing such a frivolous
case
to this court of law, you’ll both spend
time in jail!
Your pooches can be with you. If you fail
to eat the food, they’ll gladly take
your place.
Desi (Sitting in front of Zippy):
Wow, that sounds so scrumptious and
delicious!
Bella (Sitting in front of Norman):
Oh, yes! I’ll bet that jail food’s
quite nutritious! |
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