"If we weren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?!"
Well so are humans so would you like chips to go with your feet?!
"So, what do you eat?" Nothing, I go without food 24 hours a day.
I'm a miracle of modern science, a medical freak in every way.

Sometimes I nibble on shoots and leaves I forage on berries in fields.
Skipping gaily and eating whatever glorious Mother Nature yields
I hug trees at Stonehenge, sing folk songs without a care.
Make beaded African jewellery and never wash my hair.

I don't wear leather so it's Jesus sandals all the way.
I've had these crusty dreadlocks in since last May.
When putting food in your mouth would you enjoy a grilling too?
Can I turn that meddling self-righteousness back round on you?

Where do you get your fibre from, was there any in that Chicken Shish?
How much Vitamin C was in that greasy Asda quiche?
Did that bottle of Lambrini contain one of your five a day?
So stop obsessing hun cos I get my daily nutrients okay?

Go into a supermarket how much of it is occupied by meat and dairy?
If you think there's other food out there you're away with the fairies.
Open your eyes wise up to old wives' tales and superstition.
Do I look like a Somalian orphan rife with malnutrition?

Some say "I went Vegan once, but got ill so had to knock it on the head"
What the hell did you live on french fries and bread?!
So instead of asking me where I get my protein from.
Ask yourself where you got to be so inherently dumb!