How to Depose a
Contribution to the Expanding Internet Library of
everybody seems to want to know how to do
something, and they want to be told in 500 words
commissioned, sort of, by a virtual company with
a P.O. Box in Oklahoma City to write a how-to
piece in the how-to genre for a how-to website.
These websites, popping up like mushrooms, are
encyclopedias of unqualified information, and I'm
thinking I may have found a niche for myself.
I am committed,
sort of, to this new Internet-age writing form
that blends technical knowing-how with fantastic
knowing-what and that enables everyman to become
an expert, a writer, a creator and not just a
consumer. At $10 a guide, I have to be committed,
sort of, because I've got a lot of writing to do.
The guide that you
will be reading is my first attempt in the how-to
In this guide, I'm
going to tell you how to overthrow a college
First, make sure
that conditions are favorable. Watch for signs
- The faculty
senate passes resolution after resolution
demanding the president's resignation.
within the administration is divided.
Even the registrar has chosen sides
both of them.
- Time magazine's
front-page cover is not about the college's
contact with the leaders of the opposition. Start
with the guys in Math and History. Business,
Education and Engineering they're
followers. Philosophy and Literature
theyre too thoughtful. Athletics
theyre the guardians. Best to start with
the agitators. Everyone else will fall into line
as the campaign gathers momentum.
Identify the enemy's weakness. For example, if
the president's last possible support is an
indifferent student population, the high-level
plan would look something like this:
students about the issues in a manner that is
unbiasedmore or less.
2. Mobilize students against the president.
Deploy a massive boots-on-the-ground, door-to-door
petition drive. The signatures have to be
real, but the petition can be presented to
suit the circumstances.
3. Stage a media event for the coup de grâce.
Coordinate local media for a surprise photo
op in the presidents office. The media
presence must be overwhelming. If the blue-haired
secretary runs for the door, you're on your
4. Speak to the cameras as you hand the
president the petition calling for his
immediate resignation. The president will
offer an unconvincing smile for the cameras.
Make sure yours is bigger and enthusiastic.
5. Wait. In two or three weeks, the board of
trustees will announce a national search for
a new president.
Thats how you overthrow a college president.
topic will be How to Overthrow a Central